Friday, November 2, 2007

First Comes Luck, then Comes Marriage

That's me with my ridiculously cheesy smile. I'm wearing a sample size 12 (yeah, my fat ass 18 is squeezed like a bracciole into a Maggie Sottero corset back 12!). I love the intricate work on top and the lace on the bottom. Taffeta is slimming as is the draped waist. Finally, Kelly, of Kelly's Creations on 18th Avenue, is custom making my veil for me. It's going to have a lace trim like a mantilla, with a third tier on it's own comb that will be of Cathedral length. I have to say, I'm going to look freakin awesome! The veil is almost as much as the dress. My mom loved it so much that she offered to pay for my veil. Woo hoo! Go Mommy!

I highly recommend going to Kelly. She's awesome and (no offense, Kell,)also Fabulous And Trying. She knew exactly which dress would look good on me. She had it picked out from the moment I told her I was coming in. I couldn't have been happier and giddier.

Yes, I became that little girl who dreamed of her wedding day. Blah blah blah. Actually, I was never that kinda kid. I always wanted to get married but my life didn't revolve around it until about March of 2007, but that's because every time I slam my hand down or bump into a door, I'm attacked by this rock that's on my finger. It's like a constant reminder. Oh yeah, and also the fact that my living room is now a newsstand with tons of magazines and clippings. Mike's PS2 is completely covered by a stack of mags. He doesn't even try to get to it anymore. Poor Tiger, he has no one to play him now. Maybe that will force us to get on a real golf course and not just one on TV.

As I started alluding to earlier, I never understood those chicks that bought bridal magazines before they were engaged. Mike's ex girlfriend had a whole box of them and not only did he see it, but she voluntarily showed him as a way of hinting towards a ring. I also never got those girls who had their entire bridal party picked out since they were twelve. Finding partners for the science fair was tough enough for me. And then there were the girly girls who had this whole picture of colors and flowers in mind. Again, it was difficult enough picking out a comforter for my bed to match my purple walls (bad decision by an eleven year old who finally got her own room).

To me, finding a loving man to marry was only a bonus to the successful life I already had. I'm a true woman of this century. I have an education and a career. Getting married is just the icing on the cake-- a very big and expensive cake that is! And although I am recently becoming more and more obsessed with my wedding, I know that in a year, it will all be done and I'll get back to being the terrific daughter, sister, teacher, writer, and friend that I always was meant to be. The only difference is that in twelve months and six days, I'll also be a wonderful wife. (Now, that really makes me smile.)

Getting married shouldn't be a goal. It isn't something to be accomplished or congratulated for. When I first announced my engagement, friends and family congratulated me. One of my co-workers, however, said 'good luck' rather than 'congratulations' and she explained that finding a man to marry me isn't something to be admired like winning a contest or completing a degree. Instead, you celebrate in other ways and you wish the couple the best of luck. Marriage and love, in general, is sometimes more about luck than it is about hard work. Let me explain this better.

First comes luck, then comes marriage. I use this analogy when I teach basic chemistry to my hardcore biology majors who refuse chem, although they take about as many credits in chemistry as they do in bio. So, as I was saying, I explain to the class that for every person, there is another who is waiting to meet them. I say that people are like molecules. Molecule A will meet with Molecule B and hopefully, form Molecule C. However, it's sometimes hard for Molecules A and B to meet. That's where an enzyme comes in. Enzymes are like the of chemistry. Enzymes don't speed up a reaction, they just help A and B meet quicker. Then, I go on about how we live in the big city and it's rare that we bump into our partner, even if they take the same exact train as us at the same moment we do. It's an analogy that goes on and on and is very useful in explaining how these helpful little proteins work in our bodies. Like this, I explain that we can't rely on luck in the body, and so, that's why we need enzymes.

More so, I'm using it now to show how lucky someone is when they meet the right one. Think about all the people you know and all the people you dated until you found 'the one'. It's amazing how long it took you or maybe, how long it's taking you. When you finally do meet him or her, you then start thinking about all the little steps you took before them or all the major life changes that went on before they were in your life. You start thinking things like 'right place, right time' or 'how did we never meet before' or 'what if we went to high school together' and so on and so on.

I'll use myself as an example. I was going to Rutgers in Newark, NJ and working on my PhD. That was an absolute disaster and I left after just one term. I was miserable and for about a year, I questioned myself constantly as to what the greater purpose was for me failing out. I always believed that everything happens for a reason. Well, what was my reason? It just so happens that when I returned back to Brooklyn, I started going out more with my friends. Yeah, I'd meet guys here and there, but nothing really special ever came out of it except for very comical stories. Finally, I met Mike through a friend who was meeting him online. I did her the favor of going with her to meet him.

The twist is that he is from New Jersey. So, I had to come back to Brooklyn to meet a guy from New Jersey?! How nuts is that? Okay, back to luck. It wasn't the first meeting that I stole Mike away. Actually, it was the second time I was dragged out to hangout with him. The night before, my wallet and my friend's wallet were stolen. (Bad luck!) Yet, she still managed to convince me to go to Atlantic City with her, Mike and his friend, Rob. It was pretty much against my will. She had a miserable time and I had fun. I was playing roulette and with the only twenty bucks I had in my pocket (remember, my wallet was stolen and it was a weekend so I couldn't even go to a teller to take out cash), I won about three hundred bucks. I was LUCKY. When I walked past Mike and Rob, who were hitting like crazy on Black Jack, Mike asked me how much I won. I was like 'I dunno' and then he helped me count my chips. It was then that he realized how cute I was and that's when I started flirting with him.

Disclaimer: No friends were hurt in the incidents described above. In other words, she didn't like him anyway. I even tried to convince her how great a guy he was! Go figure.

So, there you have it. Had I not failed out of grad school, I'd never hangout with my drinking buddy. I wouldn't be with her when she met Mike. I wouldn't have gone to Atlantic City with them, and certainly, I wouldn't have won all that money playing roulette which in turn led Mike to counting my chips and realizing how cute I was!

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